a very sad event

the first thing i learned when i came into school today was that one of the english teacher's husband just passed away suddenly yesterday morning.

it's a great shock as he's still fairly young and in rather good health i think, and the news definitely had an effect on the general mood of everyone today. some of us went to pay our respects this evening - the actual funeral is tomorrow morning - and it was fortuitous that i was somewhat appropriately dressed due to the Olympian's visit, although it would have been far better if it didnt have to be so.

Japanese funerals are quite unlike Chinese ones, as it was very very sombre. Everyone was dressed in black - black suits, pants, shoes, skirts (with jacket), stockings, bag - and most clutched Buddhist prayer beads. It was so quiet in the building where the body lay - i'm not quite sure what building it was - unlike Chinese void deck funerals where there'll always be noise from people talking, eating and so on. each of the mourners had to write their names, address and contact number at the 'reception', upon which we were given a small gift - coffee in a paper box, although you apparently usually get tea - placed in a Takashimaya bag which was exactly the same as the ones you see in Singapore, except in greyscale appropriate for the occasion.

We had to give 3000yen for 'funeral money' not unlike the 白金 for chinese funerals too, and during the ceremony everyone had to go up to the coffin to pay their respects while the Buddhist monk chanted. what happened was that first the relatives of the decreased paid their respects, and after that came everyone else. there were 4 urns in which incense was burning, and next to each urn was another small bowl of what seemed like wood shavings (i didnt have a very good look). so 4 pple can pay their respects at any one time, and that mainly involved me trying to mimic what the person next to me was doing. after that, we bowed, then move over to bow to the relatives of the deceased, and exited the hall, whereupon we were given another box - which contained packets of sugar - and picked up a small packet which we sprinkle in front of our door and on ourselves for purification before entering our home.

the entire event was really very sad.. even though i've known this teacher for only slightly more than a month, i already know how close she is to her husband, and one can only imagine how difficult it is for her. they have no children, so it's just them and the dog, and she's talked about how she's going to retire in a few years and how she's looking forward to spending time with her husband, move to the countryside and grow vegetables and keep some chickens and so on. my supervisor at the BOE was there too, and she said that even though she's never met him, she knows a lot about him because the teacher often talks about him.. i can imagine that easily enough as this teacher loves to talk, and she's usually very lively, energetic and funny (unintentionally though), and seeing her there in a black kimono looking as if she's barely holding herself together was not easy at all. The Brit said that she looked "destroyed", and i unfortunately, unfortunately have to agree with him. her husband was an english teacher too and his students were there as well, and it was so awful to hear them weeping and sniffling silently behind us..

i remember very clearly how when i was looking through the JET handbook, i came to the page that said "funerals in japan", read the first few lines and skipped that section entirely, thinking that the time when i have to know all that would never come. it's terrible that i've been proven wrong though, and we're all very concerned for her simply because she's so in love with her husband and very very close to him. it's never easy losing a loved one, but even more difficult when the person is very much your other half with no children to possibly provide support and comfort.. i'm rather superstitious when it comes to funerals but i really really wanted to go today, and it helped that the other teachers assumed that we were going as well, as this teacher has taken such good care of us since we came that i really want to do something for her and this at the moment is the least we can do. she once said that the day she stops talking is the day she's no longer who she is, or the day a call should be made to the funeral parlour, and i sincerely hope that the time for this is far to come...

i know some of you in particular have things to say with regard to me and funerals, but rest assured that i am actually feeling rather down because of this. she's such a figure that school would be different without hearing her voice and seeing her around for the next week or so, and i really really hope that she'll be alright and be able to pull through this sad sad event.....