home

these two days have been rough. i have so many things i want to whinge about that i dont know where to start, so let me just talk about this thing called "home”.

for some reason lots of people around me dislike japan a fair bit. i hear way too often that they’re so homesick, they miss this, they miss that, they dont like this about japan, why is japan like that, back home we.. etc etc etc. Home is spoken about fondly and favourably when compared to japan, and people talk about missing this or not liking a certain aspect of japan as if just because we’re all on the same programme living in the same city i would understand how they feel.

at dinner today, some were chatting about how it sometimes is necessary to go abroad before you realise how good home is. this statement makes absolute sense, until it’s narrowed down to my particular experience, where it then doesnt quite hold true.

it’s taken coming to japan before i realised what i’d miss out on if i moved back to singapore after JET.

for one, going back means definitely living with my parents, and living on my own is one of the most wonderful things about being here. i can do whatever i want, whenever i want, however i want, and no one is going to say a thing about it.

singapore is too hot, and the heat lasts forever. i’ve been criticised by friends for being “snobbish” and dissing our weather just cos i’ve been overseas, but seriously, having seasons in a country is amazing. i can get through the terrible osakan summer knowing that it’ll end in 3 months; the cold is tolerable cos i know that soon it’ll be spring, flowers will be in bloom and everything will be nice again. seasons bring with them a natural way to mark the passage of time, something which i never really managed to do in singapore, except by the year of school i was in, which doesnt apply anymore. and frankly, it’s winter here now and i think i’m liking it more than the heat of summer, cos i go out and the air is cool and crisp and fresh, and you kinda feel good in it. and in winter i have spring to look forward to; in summer, autumn. winter means you can have nabe (steamboat) to keep warm, and the sweet delicious crabs are in season. seasons mean that my year is varied and a little more exciting.

i have more mobility here too. i cycle so often, and it really gets me when it rains cos my poor skills means i have to leave my bike at home. i can get to places more easily and i dont have to walk, whereas i cant really do that in singapore cos there’re too many people and the pavements are a lot narrower too. the persistent heat also means that if i want to wear skirts which are cooler, i can’t cycle, and if i want to cycle, i cant stay as cool. why do i have to choose?

i dont think my eating habits have changed that much either, which i think is a big thing for quite a lot of them. i get green leafy vegetables here (although more expensive and of lesser variety), i get rice, i get almost everything i want – and whatever’s not available, like chilli, i dont consume all that much of either. also, i eat extremely well; food here is good, and i get some kind of service when i go to restaurants. alcohol is everywhere, which makes me happy, as i like being able to drink without having to pay through the nose for it the way i would in singapore.

of course, lots of things dont make sense about this country; i get frustrated too when i cant communicate and so on, but hey, a sales person in singapore didnt understand me either, just cos i was speaking in full sentences with proper grammar. the city is crowded, but orchard road on weekends is awful, and absolutely frightful when it’s a rainy sunday. plus, if i get sick of Osaka, 1 hour by train will bring me to a more suburban (or even semi-rural) part in some other prefecture which makes for a nice change, but getting to JB is quite a mission – tampines to lavender, then bus for 1 hour just to cross the causeway? and to pulau ubin, you need to get to changi village, then wait for the boat to fill up with enough passengers to depart? W.T.F.

when i went home in december, what occurred to me was that somehow along the way, i’d lost the sense of “this is home, truly, where i know i must be” thing that kit chan sings about. everything felt familiar and i slipped back into old routines and old habits built up over 23 years so, so easily, but that didnt mean that i FELT something for those habits.

definitely, being back among friends and family was great, and i loved it; being able to just chat about stuff – conversation flows so much easier, for sure – but apart from the people… i’m not sure. if “home” is associated with some form of nostalgia and deep emotional feeling, then i have to say that most unfortunately i have no idea where it is. i wouldnt go so far as to say that i like JAPAN more than singapore – japan’s a big place, and i wouldnt even like it this much if i were living somewhere else in osaka city – but i can definitely say that there are things out there that i want at this point in my life that singapore cannot offer me. things might change – like if i want to start a family, for example – but as of now.. nope.

which really sucks considering what i’ve learnt about working in the UK – near impossible, and that’s one thing i want to whinge about – as if i were forced to go back to singapore i would KNOW what i am missing out on. of course my search will not end with the UK, but the likelihood that i might have to go back has become EXTREMELY REAL. and it’s terrible considering going back might mean me losing out on more than just working overseas and stuff like seasons, and it’s awfully depressing.

so the question is, why not extend my JET contract for another year?

simply because despite all appearances, my job is pretty crap. and given that there are few JETs who would (could?) actually say that, and given that a fair number of aspiring JETs come across my blog, i have to say again that i dont really like my job all that much at all. i’ve never mentioned this before, but i think i should because my experience is a JET experience even if it isnt the JET experience, and if you’re unlucky this might well be your experience, so forewarned is forearmed.

but that’s for another day in another post.