sigh

it’s one of those times where i’m longing for the safe, comfortable embrace of home.

home is where i understand the jokes and the sense of humour. where people are a little more restrained when ragging others about stuff. where people seem to be a bit more sensitive towards the limits of others and moderate their behaviour and attitudes accordingly. where everyone else shares more or less the same socio-cultural norms as i do. where i roll my eyes at lame jokes, rather than feeling myself reach the limit (and i think i have a fairly high tolerance too) of enduring dirty (ie, sexual) humour. where people don’t seem to feel the need to play the fool or adopt a strong ‘public persona’ to get others to laugh with them; where there isn’t such a huge pressure to appear ‘cool’ in order to be accepted.

i’m just feeling so worn out from some of the superficial and foreign interactions that i’m experiencing here. it’s unfortunate and hard to believe that it’s almost 2 years now, yet i haven’t gotten used to some of the things that go on around me.

if only i could fly back for a few days, meet up with a few friends, pull the blanket of familiarity snug around me like armour and return here, recharged, renewed and ready to take on whatever else is thrown my way.

しかし、できへんなぁ。このまま頑張ることしかない。たった短い2ヶ月しか残ってなくて、大事にするべきなのに・・・帰りたくないけど、本当に帰りたい気持ちもある。この1年半、2年間、一体何のためだったんだろう？